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I am good looking and will send a pic or 2. Description: Mikey, It's bittersweet. At first, it was a rush of memories. All the people and places here are connected with memories of you and of us. I always felt your presence and I mean literally consumed by memories , and it made me sick with longing.
Not longing to rekindle, just to tell you about all of the amazing things I experienced while I was away. To laugh and catch up with one another. In the end, you were my best friend, and we had a connection that seems peerless to me at times. I miss our friendship, but I accept that it was an ephemeral connection. I know I can't go back. It no longer exists. Not long ago, I saw you from a distance. With her. And although I left almost immediately, it was long enough to see just how happy you seem.
That's all I want for you. Although it stung, it snapped me back into reality. I may have grown and I may be a very different person now. But I'll never escape my past transgressions. The consequences forced me to face some deep issues and to heal and make seemingly impossible changes. I'm forever grateful to you for standing your ground and protecting yourself and in turn, protecting me from pushing down that same harmful and damaging path I was on.
We both know where it was headed. The old me would never find peace. The old me would never reach acceptance. The old me would be putting myself in situations where I could bump into you. Or even worse, invade your personal spaces. The old me would go to any length to try to get what I want, to get you back. Regardless of the fact that it could never happen. The old me would be angered by the happiness you've found without me. Today I sit and write this post feeling at peace. I have what I never had when I was consumed and isolated by my addiction to you, your acceptance, your reassurance and your love.
I'm healthy. I'm balanced. My life is enriched by things I love and people I love. My interests, my passions, my bond with friends, families and lovers I'm fulfilled. I'm relaxed. I'm satisfied. I've come to terms with all the ways I failed you and ultimately myself. And I forgive myself enough to set that heartache and those mistakes aside. Time takes us forward, not backward.
Perhaps I'm foolish to still believe that knowing all of this will make it easier on you, because I truly believe you've already made peace and moved on completely. But I also know your kindness and concern for other living things was always unwavering I guess maybe that is why I'm sending this message out into the interwebs. Because I only wish for you to be happy.
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