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How has it been going so far? Have you had much success with meeting people? Or are you sending a lot of messages out into the void, never to be heard from again? Much like in real life, the only reaction that really infuriates is no reaction. It can be frustrating, even a little confusing. Much like dating in the real world, online dating presents an almost infinite of ways to shoot yourself in the foot and kill your chances before you even get started. Much like in the real world, first impressions count for everything; in online dating, women have even more information to judge you by, so when you want to make contact with someone you have to shine.
Just about every online dating site out there has some variation on this. Never use it. A proper first contact message is convoluted; you want to set certain expectations and convey an attractive image of yourself. You want to stand out from the crowd of men who are messaging her already.
You want to defy her expectations and tempt her into replying to you. Sounds complicated? You need to keep certain guidelines in mind and build yourself a first contact template. A template. And why, exactly, do you want to do this? Well… kind of. You see, you are reading her profile, and you want to make sure she knows you have. Too many people spend too much time focusing on one particular girl at a time, developing an online version of one-itis.
They expend time and energy waiting checking her activity dates, wondering if she got that message, if he should send a second one… when he could be spending that time contacting other girls, or actually going on dates. Approaching women out in the world is like spear-fishing — one at a time. Treat approaching women on online dating sites should be like dynamite fishing; you want to toss your messages out there and see what floats to the surface. And so,with an eye towards efficiency, you want to use your template to streamline the process while still maintaining that personal touch.
This is a template , not a one-size fits all process. This is a base for how you craft your and what you want your first message to convey. First: Use proper goddamn spelling. Anything else a makes you look like an illiterate and b is going to turn her off about as fast as telling her you like to roll naked in week-old fish guts. Second: You are conveying a specific attitude of confidence and curiosity. You are approaching her almost as though you are auditioning her; approaching her as though you are begging for her attention is just going to make you look like a loser.
Keep this in mind. The Subject Line: The subject line is the first line of defense you have to get past. Women are usually outed by a factor of 10 at least and are being messaged all the time. The subject line of the s then proves to be an initial filter. This is why I am a great fan of the Dadaist subject line. I love the water! You want her to know that you a have a life and b have your shit together. In one paragraph, describe a little about you that makes you special. Online dating is a lark, a game. No, But Seriously : You drop the slightly cocky facade to be real: she seems like a cool person.
Obligatory disclaimer: Obviously, there are no sure things in life, and there is no formula that will guarantee a response from every girl online. Take the time to write up a few variations on this initial so that you can customize them and save them some place where you can access them easily. Contact many women, adapting your approach to each them and let the conversation flow. It's genetic, but recessive and unexpected, so my family has had to learn about it along with me. NerdLove Dr.
NerdLove Store Dr. No, my friend, what you want is to cowboy up and actually write. Before we get into the nitty-gritty, there are two hard and fast rules. Now, as for the structure: The Subject Line: The subject line is the first line of defense you have to get past. Related Posts Ask Dr. Ask Dr. Share But I'm very nearsighted and light-sensitive, I have nystagmus, and my Nerds and Male Privilege. When Masculinity Fails Men. Tags abusive relationships ask dr.Online dating contact
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