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Blair 23 Gresham RU thin petite girl. Looking real sex dating Never Married Tweet. For ages I didn't understand why I dread the night sky. And the evening dusk. While most my friends look forward to the end of the day I am saddened by isolation. Oh, I don't feel lonelier at night. No, not lonelier Goodness me, the feeling of loneliness does not come in degrees. I'm always lonely so lonely that night cannot be any lonelier than the day.
There's a point in late afternoon when everything around me turns Grey. The dullness punishes me. The near and the far merge as one and then the lights come on. Oh that light switch drives me mad. That flick. That click. That artificial luminescence. It drains me. It reminds me that the day is through and that again, I've failed to attract you. The street Turns a new color for the revelers. But I don't fit in. People can detect that I am one of the uninvited on-lookers. Losers don't belong to the vibrant night.
Restaurants don't have tables for one. The waiter comes and Whisks the spare cutlery away. The napkins and glasses go too. The Ritual is not only a embarrassment, but also a poke in the eye a reminder that is sad, lonely people do not belong where carefree happy people dine.
Loners can slip in to bars but who is kidding who? Bars don't know the meaning of hospitality. The happy ones are to distracted to notice me; so who do you think is going to spot you? Another poor sod who goes solo like me? Or someone from out of town , who ventured to the bar for some unwholesome reason? Bars are unfriendly. They play music loudly on purpose--they don't want people to chat to much. No-one has anything decent to say. Its best we don't open up for fear of dragging down the tone. The dull night is the closing bell that als to me that I've had a failed day,Sure i've met people today , spent money, attended meetings.
I was the epitome of excellence and shining example of professionalism so what? I failed to win the heart of the person whose face flashs in front of me ten times per second A second is a long long time when your in pain. And within its spaces there are long long moments -- much longer than ten beats.
And endlessly unceasingly within its rhythm, I see a face in my head -- that big head of mine that makes me smart and intelligent and knowledgeable and quick, but its a altogether a useless head because it cannot figure out a way to win the heart of the one whose face taunts me whose lips drown me whose hands strangle me whose body crushes me and somehow the world deems me clever and resourceful. My colleagues think I am enterprising and productive. Ive been ed efficient and creative. But if they only knew im hopeless im reminded of my shortcomings every single day at sunset.
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