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You might have a list that goes like this: "Hot. Likes his mom. Has hair. We put our Barbie and Ken dolls away ages ago, but the perfect-mate idea still looms—so much so that it's even popping up in some women's therapy sessions. Right," says clinical psychologist Jennifer Taitz, Psy. Desperately Seeking Dream Man Perhaps because of the princess stories we were fed along with our animal crackers, or the rom-coms like The Wedding Planner that came later, the idea that Mr.
Right—or, rather, Mr. Perfect—is out there took root. Now, as an adult, you may think you've outgrown the Cinderella stories and the idea of waiting for your dream man. But the truth is, on the same level that you have a fondness for Rice Krispies Treats, it's hard to let go of the notion that The One is out there. He's hot! He's sensitive! And he'd never do something as average as hit a strip club with his buddies.
In fact, many women who seek therapy for relationship issues find this is one reason for their troubles: "The problem with looking for the perfect mate is there's no such thing," says Taitz. The girl-meets-ideal-boy stories haven't stopped, either. Cinderella has been replaced by Bella Swan. Recent research shows that even married women are still waiting for their prince to come. A new study published in Mass Communication and Society found that if married women believed in the TV portrayals of relationships, they tended to be less committed to their own pairings and to find alternative partners more attractive.
Everything brainwashing has made women feel as if they're settling even when they aren't. If butterflies don't break-dance in your gut when he's around, you think you're settling. If he's a morning person and you're not, you're convinced he isn't The One. We want kismet, frictionless matches or none at all. Our modern dating ways—online, via a site such as OKCupid or even through Facebook—may be making our intolerance for real guys even worse.
An infinite of options means there's always a better prospect around the corner, says Susan Kolod, Ph. Plus, there's the illusion that in selecting a mate who meets X, Y, and Z criteria, you'll be scripting your own storybook ending. Real vs Mr. Right The Mr. Right fantasy isn't really about holding out for excellence, says Kolod. It's an excuse to avoid intimacy. Relationships are messy and scary; they require vulnerability and a loss of control. So if we focus on an unattainable ideal, we have a ready-made excuse for not trying.
The point, however, isn't to give up what's important to you or to be with a man you're not attracted to. It's to be with someone who fits you, personally, rather than some catchall paragon of manhood. What you should look for is a guy who shares your values, says Taitz. If you have an anything-goes attitude about sex, a guy who considers handcuffs out of bounds probably won't cut it.
If you're independent, don't try to make it work with someone who needs you nearby at all times. And if you want kids, your partner should too. Try making one list of requirements and another of preferences, suggests Taitz. You might want a tall guy but need one who loves dogs. When she was in high school, she wanted a big, strong, daring guy.
She didn't want just any hero: She wanted Hugh Jackman's Wolverine. She began dating a guy who fit her list to a tee. But it didn't turn out to be the movie-perfect relationship she'd hoped for. He was strong and gorgeous, sure, but also uninterested in sharing his thoughts or feelings—or learning hers. Her supposed ideal was someone she didn't really like. After they broke up, she met someone new.
This guy "wasn't who I'd go for on paper," she says. They married six years after they started dating, and Christine is still love struck. Don't ever expect your guy to hoist a boom box playing "In Your Eyes" over his head—unless he's in costume.
Forget Beauty met Beast. Or that Meg Ryan's character met Tom Hanks's. Or Emma Stone's met Ryan Gosling's. Face it: When you take away all the ethereal sexiness of being a vampire, Edward Cullen is boring. Try to think of a rom-com that doesn't end the second the couple gets together. The Bachelor and The Bachelorette? Only three out of 24 pairs are still together. Ask any man what he thinks about making out in the rain. For that matter, ask yourself. Weight Loss.
United States. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories. Smoked Salmon, Watercress, and Yogurt Omelet. Tom Corbett. No more Nicholas Sparks. Listen to Lena Dunham, not Mindy Kaling. Kiss a frog. See what happens. Prince Harry? He'd break your heart. This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this to help users provide their addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano. Advertisement - Continue Reading Below. More From Relationships.Attractive woman searching for my mister right
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What We Tend To Get Wrong About Finding Mr. Right